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Phil's Advice: Got a problem? Let Phil help!
Tuesday, July 05, 20056 Men, 1 Raft, 1 River, 1 Mission...
6 AM: My alarm goes off, I HIT SNOOZE!!!
6:10 AM: I drag my ass up
6:25 AM: I wake up the entire house, JoePat on the living room floor, Nova Passed out on the floor, Phil passed out sideways on his bed, and Damn!!! Rude Dog is already up... LOL
6:40 AM: Big AL shows up ready for action...
7 AM: we grab breakfast and hit the road: Destination - TAOS BOX (Rio Grande River)
The night before Phil and Nova decided to throw caution into the wind and get faced until 3 AM... I'm not sure who was the genius behind that brilliant plan, but It made it very difficult trying to wake them... After some pushing, tormenting, and a wet willy they both got up... LOL... Just outside of Espanola JoePat pulls over in a hurry... Nova was about to hurl... After Nova returns from the restroom, he was excited that he didn't hurl, but sharted instead... LOL...
9 AM: We arrive at the destination... We get briefed and situated on the bus ride to the drop off point
9:30 AM: We get assigned our rafting guide Leslie...
Raft seating chart: Phil and Nova in front,JoePat and I in the middle, Rude Dog and Big AL in back...
As we make our decent down the Box Leslie shows us some rafting tricks, and tells us what to do if we fall out of the raft due to a massive hangover... LOL.. I tested the water just to see what the temp was like... It was FUCKING COLD!!!! Yep it sure was mountain runoff...
We make our way to the first rapid, practicing turns, and commands... (FORWARD, BACK, LEFT BACK, RIGHT BACK,OH SHIT... LOL)... Our raft guide is awesome and Phil knows her sister... I think Phil knows everyone's sister if you know what I mean.... LOL
We get to the first class 4 rapid, embrace ourselves and go through... Phil and Nova get douched with a huge wave of water... IT IS FUCKING COLD!!! But refreshing at the same time.... LOL... Phil and Nova actually are fully awake and sobering up real quick... LOL... Both of them have goose bumps and are shivering... JoePat and I are half soaked as well, with Big AL and Rude Dog just getting sprinkles... After the next couple rapids everyone on the raft is soaked... LOL... Phil and Nova get some splash gear from Leslie, because at this point they are freezing, shaking, and teeth chattering... Phil's splash gear coat smells horrible... This was so funny I was dying laughing... I smelled it and almost hurled... But it kept him warm for the time being... The jacket was green death, smelled like urine, sweat and poop...
Not shortly after we stop for lunch... Eat some good stuff, then jumped back on the river... Leslie started pointing out some crazy stuff like cars and motorcycles that people had driven off the cliff and were wrecked on the side of the river... And what do ya know they named the rapids after this stuff (DEAD CAR)... Not just that but some rapids were named after just random crap that was around like (TRASH), and (POWERLINE FALLS) LOL... They did have a couple cool names like (SUNSET), and (ENEMA) lol...
JOEPAT VS. THE BOX!!!
Before we started back after eating JoePat had some aggression for the river and demanded to sit in front...This bumped Rude Dog to middle, and Phil to the back... JoePat didn't think he got enough in the middle, HE WANTED MORE... This time it was personal, he wasn't going to take any prisoners... 6 foot 3 and his long rocker hair with the rock on horns in the air, saying "I'm going to tame this bitch!!!"...
As we hit the first rapid not realizing the pure force JoePat gets slammed the hardest, while Leslie SCREAMS at the top of her lungs PADDLE!!!! This didn't scare JoePat oh hell no it turned him on.... LOL... He looked at Leslie now with different eyes... The kind of eyes that say " hey baby, I'm JoePat... I'm like a class 5 rapid , when you ride me you get soaking WET!!!!!!!"
JoePat was now on a super mission, not only to kick the shit out of the river but to impress Leslie the only way he knows how... LOL... Show her he has balls!!! With every new rapid pounding Joepat like someone's bitch in prison, he gets more and more aggressive against the river... Leslie has been taking us down the toughest part of every rapid, and this made JoePat want her more and more, because it brought out the dominatrix in her... Making her yell and scream out of anger and fear...
We finally finish the box!!! All of us are drenched but in great spirits because of the kick ass adrenaline rush we all had the entire way down... JoePat didn't get Leslie, but he did tame that bitch ( the box that is) LOL... Good Times!!!
Leslie later admitted that she was scared out of her mind because she had never went down the rough parts of the rapids like she did that day....