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From::Albuquerque, New Mexico, United States
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Phil's Advice: Got a problem? Let Phil help!
Friday, July 22, 2005Concrete Memories...
*** Hello everyone, let me introduce to you my guest blogger !! Big Al!!!***
IHOP For Me, IHOP For You
It was a beautiful and sunny Saturday morning. The air was crisp and warm. The sense of a road trip was just around the corner. As the early morning approached, four men were hungry and ready for some adventure. So the first place we stopped at before hitting the road was IHOP! Where everyone can certainly find something they'd enjoy. So after a few pancakes here and there the four men now all had full bellies. And you know that with a full belly you're allowed to hit the road. So everyone stumbles out of IHOP with the soft scent of butter pecan syrup with a hint of eggs and bacon.
On the Road Again
Well, as you know after you eat, blood rushes to your stomach and makes you sleepy. So between the excitement of getting to Las Cruces and thinking about taking a nice nap brings much conflict to one's mind. Well, it turned out that the excitement of getting to Las Cruces edged out three naps and soon there was guy talk roaring in the truck. While the music was blasting some rock there were soon to be laughter and good times waiting. We started off onto the highway and noticed the pimpest semi this side of the river. Actually, it was just cruising East along side with us so it was an East Side Semi on Dubs. So being a good omen and all to see a semi-truck with spinners we headed Southbound to Las Cruces, the home of dem damn NMSU Aggies. However, we were prepared for dem Aggies by sporting our sweet ass UNM license plate. So during our journey 230 miles South we awaited our convoy and before too long two huge ass trucks going about 100MPH and another little car were breaking fast.So this was the time to turn off that cruise control and step on the gas! So averaging just over 99 MPH for about 90 minutes we gained valuable ground. After our convoy exited to Elephant Butte it was time to once again settle on going 80MPH. However, before they pulled off we went down a hill that says "Gusty Winds May Occur" at about 95MPH. That's when I almost shit my pants because we got a gust of wind and I had no choice but to hold on! So as you can imagine during the next dip into the canyon I slowed down. Well, before too long we had a another couple of cars coming like two bats out of hell. So we followed our radar detector friends just into Las Cruces. Well, by this time it was time for a short stop for lunch.
I Never Knew Owls Wore Tight Orange Shorts
Ok, so I was hungry. Well a little. So where else to go then to Hooter's! After asking former resident Rude Dog where Hooter's was he lead us down the wrong way but Phil spotted it out while we were actually headed to another place. So we walk into Hooter's like a pack of wild cowboys looking for a shot of whiskey. Ok, well, not exactly but I still think the girl at the front counter liked us when she said, "Please seat yourself." It was something about those words that Rude Dog knew he'd found love. Well, after discussing what kind of beer Rude, Pitt and Phil wanted for about six hours they finally decided and our little waitress with the tight orange shorts was off. So after a round of beers and a water for me it was time for a photo op. Rude looked over at our waitress and she knew what he wanted right away. So with one look at his nice blue shirt she flung herself around his side and I snapped the action. So after Rude got his loving' we bailed onto the church where one of our fraternity brothers was sealing the deal.
Ten Reasons to Avoid Church, Okay Well Not Ten Exactly
We arrive again like cowboys. The girls just started to scream our name as we approached the church like a pack of wild amazons. Okay, well, not exactly but you weren't there so you have no idea if I'm lying to you or not. hehe. Anyway, the wedding was held in some church and I all remembered is how much I didn't like church when I was young and how hot it gets in there. Like a steam room filled with a 1,000 people. And the priest's sense of humor was anything but that. I think he was on a power trip or something. You know the type, trying to use his power to get great Super Bowl tickets and stuff? Well, anyway, at least everyone smelled nice. That was a good sign. So after almost falling asleep about a dozen times and telling Pitt that he shouldn't dip in church it was over. I waited patiently for everyone to clear the aisle before I could start running out. Perhaps it's the fact that I was standing on holy ground and I wasn't feeling that holy that day. Well, as you know with all the bad there must come some good. So it was no time for the reception!!!
The Haunted Mansion with a Chocolate Fountain and Rude's GrandpaWe arrive at this old haunted mansion that was turned into a restaurant. Well, considering everyone was sitting everywhere and we had like four rooms to pick from I decided to find us a seat by the bridal party. Turns out that the tables were reserved so we left to find another seat but not too fast that I didn't take my napkin. Yup, that's right. So some hopeless bastard probably all dirtied himself because he had no where to wipe his action. hehe. Well, this was a good thing it turns out because we ended up going into our own private little junior mafia room. It was a beautiful and exclusive little room that sat ten. There upon the wall was a picture of Rude's grandpa the great Antonio López de Santa Anna. He was the Mexican President that sold the USA the southern part of Arizona and New Mexico during the famous Gadsden Purchase. Now, I'm a little upset over this because Albuquerque could've been closer that much closer to Mexico and therefore closer to buying bubble gum from little Mexican kids and drinking Corona's for $1.00. Anyway, I'll get over it. So after taking in the room we took our seats and prepared to feast. Well, we were certainly treated like kings in that room. The waiter took damn good care of us and he even asked if I wanted another Sprite. And considering that soft drinks were free that night who was I to turn it down? So I indulged in another. Before the main course was served the groom and bride invited everyone to feast on the chocolate fountain. Now, I've grown older now and chocolate doesn't do that much for me anymore but to see it pouring out like hot lava was just too much for me to handle. So I jumped in line with Pitt and Phil and we went to town. They had pound cake, strawberries and brownies to dip in this fountain of love. So as you can imagine I really took my time up there pretending like I was a surgeon. Everything had to be completely covered with chocolate or I wasn't moving. So after about four strawberries and a few brownies I split. I could've just sat there all day and stared at that chocolate. It was like living a dream. LOL! Well, after dinner they turned on some tunes and people started dancing. Rude and Pitt stood strong against the wall while Phil and I flung some ladies around. After a few dances everyone was content. We decided to go walk around and this is where Pitt bumped into his male admirer named Jon Pierre. Well, turns out that he wanted to buy us all a drink at the bar and after drive him back to the hotel that we were all staying at. And like any given opportunity this would've been a great idea, if Jon Pierre was a girl! Considering that we didn't really know him that well and we had our suspicions about his sexual preferences. So Rude, Phil and I all declined. However, Brad got a free drink out of it and us three not drinking walked off to let Pitt and Jon Pierre enjoy themselves. Well, after Pitt downed his drink he was soon out of there. Turns out that Pitt just can't turn down a free drink. As you can imagine this was the funniest thing of that night. Well, it was time to head back to the hotel.
The Next Morning
Well, after all of us woke up and still fully clothed, which is important when you're sleeping next to another man, we decided to get ready and go eat. We decided to cruise around to find a place to eat but apparently nothing was open on a Sunday morning in Cruces. Well, we finally found a place to eat and we enjoyed our last meal in Cruces. Turns out that breakfast was a great time to reflect upon the exciting events that we all shared as brothers on that day before. With the memories of butter pecan syrup, going 100mph in a Ford Explorer until the restrictor plate regulates your ass, finding true love with a girl wearing tight orange shorts, standing up and sitting down a million times in a hot church, dining with legends in a junior mafia room with Rude's grandpa on the wall and those sweet memories of Jon Pierre it turned out to be a great time. So while the road might be a place to haul ass like Smokey and The Bandit, it also builds great memories and a loyal bond that will last forever. The End.