Monday, September 19, 2005

Wedding Crashers!!!

Hello everyone my name is Phil, and I crash weddings... It all started about 4 years ago when my cousin Nova turned 21... The both of us were just sitting around one day thinking of new ways to meet women, when I said hey lets go to a garage sale.... At this garage sale I found a tuxedo, "worn only once" said the man... This Tux sparked an idea in both of our brains!!! Weddings!!! This is when the legacy started... From that day forward Nova and I have crashed around two hundred and fifty four weddings...

We are partners in crime...

The first wedding we crashed, Nova met a woman who changed his life forever... She was not just freaky deiky, but talented in other ways too... Embracing her talents he let her pierce his penis, and ever since that day his game has skyrocketed...Who would have known that a piece of jewelry could have such an effect? With every wedding crashed Nova got more and more experience changing identities, dying his hair, and learning new accents... Most importantly learning new moves doing you know what... LOL...

Nova will sometimes give homemade bird houses to the bride..

As for me being the master of dancing with quick wited humor I am always the party man... I've been known to do the tango, cha cha, 2 step, swing, waltz, robot, peg leg Pete, boomerang, toaster, washing machine, fast food drive through, Vanna White, back & head spin, shopping cart, Ron Jeremy, mashed potato, stoned fisherman, swimmer, zombie, Mexican hat dance, twist, lost monkey, moon walk, sprinkler, or the train, whatever your pleasure... I sometimes draw a crowd, and other times women want private lessons... "WINK!"

I am like Maverick and Nova is goose...

Whenever you see Nova in the train with his tongue hanging out, you know he brought his "A" game... What does that mean, you ask? Well it means that he has his pick of whatever ACTION he wants... He is a machine, bump, grind, bump, grind... He is like the little engine that kept shaking his ass for all the woman's cabooses...

Sometimes I will sing, or even recite poetry...

When the both of us do our combined best man toast, the reactions are astounding!!! With stories from Vietnam, to African safaris we get laughs, cries, and lots of ACTION...

Sex is good, cumming is my favorite part...

At our most recent crash I made off with a vixen in law school, and Nova made off with her mother... Nova says "ok you take your 20 year old, great body yeah no contest... But if you want skills you have to go 40-45.. Now you're going to have to give up a little bit of tone for that, because at 40-45 even if she works out 3 times a day the 20 year old body is going bye bye... But once you get over that visual thing, I'll tell you something, YOU WILL NEVER HAVE what you will have with a 40 year old woman as long as it's the right 40 year old woman... And if you find the right 50 year old woman, OMG YOU HAVE NO FUCKING IDEA!!!"...

The pursuit of action will never stop, until we both find the woman of our dreams that we will one day settle down with and marry, but until that day we are the Wedding Crashers.... Cheers!!!!

Posted by CT :: 6:45 PM :: 4 comments|

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